6 Reasons Why Understanding Each Other Is More Important Than Ever

For some of us, the title of this piece may already be irritating — even maddening. If you’re scared about Trump’s election, being asked to understand the “other side” can seem a distant concern compared to your fears of what might happen during his presidency. If you’re glad Trump won, you may be tempted to say, “We’ve won; we don’t need to listen” — or maybe you’re angry about the pushback you see on the “other side.”

As was the case before the election, many of us fear what the “other side” wants and what they’ll do. As we often emphasize, no matter your political beliefs, you can join the movement to detoxify our politics. But we realize that when emotions are high, it can be hard to see that as a priority — and we won’t ignore that fact. 

However, we do want to make the case that understanding each other is more important than ever. This is because: When we fail to understand each other, we push each other away and amplify our divides. 

Here are some reasons that will help you better understand this point. 

#1: We have distorted views of each other

Many of us have distorted views of those on the “other side,” and this amplifies hostility. Some speak as if Trump voters are motivated largely by bigotry and authoritarianism. Some frame Democrats as supporters of all manner of far-left-associated ideas, including socialism and Marxism, or “abolish police/prisons”-type ideas. 

We must remember that a big factor in our political preferences these days is not so much support for everything on “our side” but dislike and fear of the “other side.” This helps explain why political groups can be so varied in their views and motivations. 

One foundation of our divides is our overstated views of how much “they” hate us — which can become a reason for us to fear them more, and so on.

#2: Arriving at opposed views is easier than we think

We must try to see that ending up on either side of the chasm separating us is much easier than we think. The political narratives we embrace can depend on where we live, the people around us, the media we consume, and specific issues we’ve come to care about, among other factors. 

Think of our two main political narratives as two streams forming at the top of a mountain. When rain falls, water will flow one way or the other due to various initial conditions and obstacles. Some might go directly into the stream; some will find their way via unexpected paths and backchannels. And once you’re in that stream, seeing or understanding that other path can be hard. The various ways the other stream formed and flows is hard to understand: it’s on the other side of the mountain, obscured from our view.

To be clear, we aren’t saying that every stance is equally rational; we’re only talking about the ease with which we can find ourselves on opposite sides of that mountain.

#3: Ignoring our opponents’ concerns drives them further away 

It’s critical — no matter our fears, concerns, or political goals — to make an effort to see each other more clearly and resist the temptation to always assume the worst about “the other side.” Embracing humility and curiosity about what our fellow Americans want can help close this widening chasm. 

A few specific points:

• Anti-Trump Americans should see that supporting Trump doesn’t equal racism or bigotry. They should try to understand Trump voters’ many defensible concerns: this can include dislike of liberal-associated stances, concerns about illegal immigration, and views that Trump and Republicans have been treated unfairly by liberal-leaning institutions. 
• Pro-Trump Americans should try to see the reasons why many Americans — and not just those with liberal-associated views — are concerned about Trump and see him as a serious threat. They should try to understand the view that Republican-side denial of the 2020 election results was wrong and dangerous. 

We will of course strongly disagree on these matters, but when we act as if all of our opponents’ concerns are completely irrational, we amplify our divides. When we contemptuously ignore each others’ concerns, we communally gaslight each other. 

#4: Groups are not all-the-same monoliths

We must keep in mind our opponents rarely support everything we associate with “their side.” These days, many political choices are not so much about supporting “their side” as about pushing against what they’re afraid of. This helps explain why political groups can be so varied in their views and motivations.  

Often our negative views of specific leaders can result in us harshly judging the entire “other side.” But it’s important to separate our views of politicians from those of their voters. Remembering that groups are complex and varied can help us make that distinction. 

#5: Insults further divide us 

If you find yourself describing “them” in the worst possible light — if you refer to your opponents as cult members, or brainwashed, or use similar insults — you must see that’s how you drive the wedge further between us. That is how you make your opponents see your group as the divisive “bad guys.” In such a tone-deaf battle, no one wins.

#6: Hostility can lead to more extreme beliefs 

It’s true we have serious disagreements on many issues — but it’s also true that our “undue hate” acts as a conflict amplifier. And hostility can even influence our beliefs: it can lead us to take more extreme stances. It can even make us more likely to distrust election results we’re unhappy with.

Our inability to understand each other has transformed many issues into rigid “good vs. evil” choices. Hostility can act like a centrifuge, pushing our ideas to the outside and making conversation and compromise feel impossible. 

The future is not set

Our emotions can lead us to arrive at overly certain and dark views of the future. As psychologist Adam Grant wrote, “If you think you know how the next four years are going to play out, you’re wrong.” (Grant writes from an anti-Trump perspective, but no matter your politics, we hope you see his main point.) Reaching for certain and pessimistic predictions amplifies the cycle of conflict, pushing both sides into an arms race of emotion and action. 

With more understanding of each other, we’ll reduce the demand for divisive political approaches. We’ll disagree in better ways. At the very least, we’ll avoid further widening the rifts between us. Despite what our instincts may tell us, seeing the best in each other does not mean abdicating our principles. It’s a strength, not a weakness — one that can even aid political activism.  

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