“I Get a Lot of Hate From Both Sides”: 16-Year-Old Writes About Impacts of Polarization

We recently received an email from a New Jersey high schooler named Katy in which she described getting “a lot of hate from both sides” for political views that don’t easily slot into “left” or “right.” Katy’s letter speaks to the frustration so many of us have with the way things are, and we thought it was worth sharing with you. 

When you read Katy’s letter, focus on the toxicity — and how that toxicity impacts us all in many negative ways — not her specific political views. She, and others, could’ve written a similar letter while expressing different political views. This toxicity places pressures on us to be team-based in our thinking (if only to help us avoid the harsh judgment of our peers). As time goes on, we grow to see toxic ways of engaging as increasingly normal and standard. 

Working against these polarizing, with-us-or-against-us forces and narratives can be tough. These pressures can make it hard to arrive at our own independent views, speak up for nuance, and speak out against insulting ways of engaging.  

But the more of us do those things, the more others will feel encouraged to do the same. 

The letter from Katy: 

What brought me here was the conflict in my own life between political parties. I am 16, so I am not yet old enough to vote, but I am old enough to experience the bullying that comes with the toxic polarization of political parties. 

I live in New Jersey, and my town is split almost 50/50 between liberals and conservatives. Issues such as abortion, immigration, and POC/LGBTQ+ inclusion cause divides between people and break friendships and family ties. In my own life, my family is conservative, while all of my friends are liberal. I personally hold values from both sides; as an example, I am more liberal in my views of rights for minorities, but I am more conservative in my views on immigration.

I get a lot of hate from both sides. If I express that I don’t think illegal immigrants should be coming into the country, I get insulted by liberals. I have been called “hateful”, “racist”, and a few times I was even told to kill myself. If I express that I think we should be creating safe spaces for LGBTQ+ students in schools, I get called “idiotic”, a “snowflake”, and a “lib-tard” by conservatives.

I see both sides hate others too. The liberal people in my life show hate towards anyone who doesn’t hold the same views as them. The conservatives in my life, specifically in my school, do the same, but they also show more hate towards Hispanic people because of immigration issues; I am in a relationship with a South American immigrant who came here legally when he was a young child, and throughout our two years together I have seen him be called an “illegal immigrant”, a “border hopper”, and told to “go back to his own country”.

What kills me is that from such a young age, children are taught to hate, and this goes for both sides. There are students at my school who have a deep-running hatred for gay people, and I know that they did not just wake up one day and decide that they didn’t like the LGBTQ+ community. 

Additionally, during the 2016 election (I was 9), there were children who would say things like “I wish all of the Trump supporters would die”. I know that 8-9 year old children could not come up with that on their own. When I told my closest friends that my family was conservative, they began to ostracize me and tell me, “If you love Trump so much, why don’t you just go make out with him?”. It sounds stupid but it took a huge toll on my self esteem, especially since I didn’t really know who Trump was, and it wasn’t even me that was supporting him; it was my parents. I was just a nine year old.

Again, I am sorry that this was so long, but I hold this issue very close to my heart because I constantly see it tearing apart friendships and dividing the people I love. I have many more stories about this, so if you are interested in testimonies from a teenage perspective, please feel free to reach out to me. I am happy to have finally found an organization that is fighting for this cause, because we as a country truly can never get anything done if we are only focused on hating each other.

Regards,

Katy

Thanks so much for writing, Katy. 

One final note: Sometimes people think our sharing of messages like Katy’s means we’re saying that “both political groups are the same” (AKA, a “both sides” criticism). But that’s not it. We’re hoping that everyone, regardless of their politics, can see the wisdom of reducing contempt for and pessimism about their political opponents — and one can see that even while thinking “the other side is worse.” 

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