Toxic Polarization Fractures Our Relationships — Even With Our Political Peers

There are a lot of harmful effects of toxic polarization, but how it fractures our relationships — even with people who are politically similar to us — is rarely discussed. 

There is evidence of this all around. Insults are flying, and there is high-animosity discord resulting in gridlock and dysfunction, even in our political peer groups. Yes, you read that right. Toxic division and an us vs. them mentality leads to animosity even amongst people who are largely on the same page. One way this manifests is in angry accusations that people aren’t “real progressives” or “real conservatives.” 

The problem isn’t that we passionately disagree. We’ve always had serious debates over many issues and always will. The problem is the high level of contempt so many of us have for each other. That’s what makes toxic polarization so dangerous. The contempt found even amongst people who have much in common really highlights the nature of this problem. 

Robert B. Talisse, a political philosopher and author of Sustaining Democracy: What We Owe to the Other Side (which we highly recommend), writes that “polarization fractures our alliances, shrinks our coalitions, promotes hierarchy within our collaborations, and transforms political allies into foes.” 

When it comes to highly polarized issues, most of us have a range of nuanced, complex, and sometimes contradictory beliefs. But the forces of toxic polarization pressure us to see issues in binary terms and to “pick a side.” Then, we grow to see our political opponents as depraved and dangerous, and we pull away from them — both externally and within our hearts and minds. We distance ourselves from the ideas associated with “the bad guys,” even though some of those same ideas are found amongst our political peers — or even ourselves. 

In his book Love Your Enemies, Arthur C. Brooks warns: “If you have contempt for ‘them,’ more and more people will become ‘them.’”

As we become more intolerant of certain ideas, a “small-scale polarization dynamic,” as Talisse calls it, develops among political peer groups:

This leads the forces of belief polarization to turn inward, driving our coalition to splinter into distinct hierarchical factions… As a result, a small-scale polarization dynamic is initiated. The internal factions adopt hard-line stances and intensify internal pressures to conform. Cooperation with those outside the faction is demonized as complicity or disloyalty. Moderates and bridge-builders are expelled. In-group hostilities escalate, and power struggles emerge. The large coalition unravels, and, amid all of the internal struggles, the group’s initial objectives go unmet. 

We may instinctually feel that the way to achieve our political goals is to be more judgmental and more righteous. It may be counterintuitive, but to build a more functional, solutions-oriented America, we must understand that depolarizing, de-escalating approaches are valuable and effective strategies for getting things done and not solely about reducing discord for the sake of unity. 

We must also see the value in pushing back when our political peers exhibit contempt, whether towards the “other side” or towards their political peers. Toxic polarization grows worse because so few of us are willing to push back on these dynamics. We fear alienation from our friends, family, and colleagues — or we just don’t have the energy to have exhausting and awkward conversations. To make progress on this problem, we must see it as essential to push back on divisive, contemptuous rhetoric wherever we find it — especially among our political peers.  

Here’s the thing: to solve problems and get things done, we have to be able to form coalitions and make compromises. That’s an irrefutable fact. It’s also a fact that the contempt arising from toxic polarization makes us less able to do the basic work of politics. There is an urgent need to see value in engaging in civil, respectful ways, even with people we see as wrong. Talisse writes, “It’s as if we need to maintain civil, albeit adversarial, relations with our political enemies in order to pursue justice.” 

Want to keep in the loop about the movement to overcome our toxic divides? Sign up for our newsletter.